“When Leading Feels Lonely”
I thought becoming a leader would feel… empowering.
But what it often felt like? Isolation.
You go from being one of the team to being the one people watch. The one people expect things from. Suddenly, you're protecting others from stress you can’t share - and making decisions no one else fully sees.
And some days, it just feels… lonely.
Why don’t we talk more about the emotional weight of leadership?
We talk about strategy and influence - but not about how it feels to carry the team’s emotional temperature, while trying not to let yours show.
But pretending we’re fine doesn’t make us strong. It just makes us quietly tired.
There was a week where I was juggling three conflicting stakeholder demands, shielding the team from a reorg, and quietly grieving a personal loss.
In every standup, I smiled. Gave updates. Showed up.
Then one night, I sat in the dark and wondered, “Who holds the space for me?”
The answer wasn’t obvious. But the lesson was: I needed to build that space on purpose.
I reached out to a peer at another company. We started monthly calls. No agenda. Just space to talk shop - and life.
It changed everything.
To lead well, you need care too:
- Find a peer circle. Leadership doesn’t have to be lonely - but support won’t fall in your lap. You have to seek it.
- Normalize vulnerability. Say “I’m struggling with this too” in safe spaces. Others are waiting to exhale.
- Set boundaries upstream. You don’t have to absorb every emotion on the team. Guide - don’t absorb.
- Build your own rituals of care. Whether it’s journaling, therapy, walks, or music - tend to your own load.
You can lead with strength and still need support. Those things aren’t opposites. They’re interdependent.
Leadership is hard. It can be lonely. But you don’t have to go it alone.
And if you’ve been feeling that ache lately - I see you. You’re not the only one.